Stay
by thisiseveryshadeofwrong
Summary: Tony stopped drinking after he got back from Afghanistan. Tony started drinking after he got back from New York. POST AVENGERS, PRE IM3. Imagine that there is a large gap between the two movies. Warnings: alcoholism, substance abuse, ptsd, trauma, flashbacks, swearing.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **Tony stopped drinking after he got back from Afghanistan. Tony started drinking after he got back from New York. PRE IM3, SPOILERS.

**Disclaimer: **The usual. I don't own – I'd be filthy rich otherwise, which regrettably I'm not. Please R&R and give constructive crit.

**Rating: **T for my use of expletives and mature subject matter.

_Pepper was surprised, in the weeks after Tony got off that plane from Afghanistan – she was expecting that he would fall into some old habits, but instead of hitting the bottle, he hit his workshop. _

_Even though she was happier with him doing that, there was a darkness lurking behind his eyes that wasn't there before – a void where there was previously a playful twinkle, and although Pepper was happy he wasn't drinking, she wasn't sure all his work was healthy either._

_Rhodey had told her that he was most likely traumatized by what had happened, but he seemed so stoic that she just brushed it off. _

_In retrospect, she should have seen this coming._

IRONMANIRONMAN

Tony was in his workshop for the forth day running, and Pepper had had enough. This had to end.

"Tony, you have to get out of there," she said as she walked down the stairs to the workshop, pausing only to put her code into the door and for it to happily beep its acceptance. "Tony?"

The first thing that hit Pepper was the dry, stale smell of day old alcohol, before she saw Tony swaying in a chair, his head dropping lower and lower into his lap. This is the very thing she had been afraid of.

"Oh Tony, why didn't you talk to me?" Pepper whispered to herself as she strode over to him, stepping over forgotten mechanical pieces and bits of equipment. Dummy stood by Tony, whirring loudly in his creator's ear.

Extending a hand towards Tony's unkempt hair, Pepper tried to bring his face up to meet hers, but he flinched as she made contact, dropping the bottle that his hand had been feebly grasping on to and bringing both hands up to his face.

"Wha- What? Pepper what'r you doin' down here?"

"Tony, I haven't seen you for two days!"

"Been workin' you'know how it is."

Tony reached down for the bottle that had slid behind his chair but his fingers missed every time he made contact.

"Hey Dummy, can'ya grab that for me?"

Dummy made a move to get the bottle before Pepper spoke.

"JARVIS, override."

Dummy stopped in motion before returning to his previous position.

"Pepper."

"Tony."

Tony brought his face up to meet Pepper's eyes and wiped a hand over his face, feeling his greasy hair and grimacing.

"I can't sleep. You know I can't sleep."

"You weren't like this when you got back from Afghanistan, Tony. You didn't drink at all. I never saw it once."

"Maybe I shouldn't 'ave stopped."

"Maybe you should stop now."

Tony's head fell into his hands and he sat motionless.

"It's not that easy."

IRONMANIRONMAN

The next morning, Pepper wakes up to see Tony's side of the bed is empty and cold. Although she had eventually coaxed him to come upstairs and eat something before having a shower and heading to bed, she knew he wouldn't stay the whole night.

"JARVIS, where's Tony?"

"Mr. Stark is in his workshop, Ms. Potts. He does not wish to be disturbed."

Pepper sat up, worried.

"When did he go down?'

"At around 3am this morning, approximately 2 hours after you both returned from the workshop, Mr. Stark experienced a nightmare. On his return to consciousness, he chose to go back to the workshop rather than risk waking you up."

Frowning, Pepper quickly got out of bed, wrapped a robe around herself and padded out towards the kitchen, knowing that she would have to bring coffee down with her if she had any chance of Tony speaking to her. Ten minutes later, she was walking down the stairs.

Tony was drinking again.

"You, Butterfingers. Why aren't you cleaning up this mess?" Tony looked sternly at the bots, waiting for them to do their jobs.

Thankfully, he wasn't as drunk as he'd been the night before, but it was only ten in the morning. Tony turned around just in time to see Pepper walking into his workshop with a cup full of coffee.

"I know I told JARVIS to tell you not to come down here, but I think I'll make an exception just this once," Tony said, grabbing the coffee before walking over to his desk, taking a sip and setting it down.

"Tony, you're drinking again."

"I am."

"Why couldn't you stay in bed with me?"

Tony ignored the question, instead picking up the bottle of scotch that was on the floor next to his desk and pouring a liberal amount into the cup of coffee.

"Potts, you need to leave now. I've got lots of super secret work to do," Tony said as he gestured towards the screens around him, all of which were blank.

"I'm not leaving Tony."

"Fine, shut up then."

Pepper gasped behind him, before talking several steps and ending up staring into the back of his head.

"Tony Stark, you are a mess. You haven't slept properly in god knows how many days –"

"Five days Ms. Potts," cut in the robotic voice of JARVIS.

"Five days. _Five_ days Tony! No one can function on that little sleep, not even you!"

"I'd like to put that theory to the test."

"Tony, I care about you, but I can't keep this up. I never know what to do with you anymore. After Afghanistan you were focused, but not like this."

"I didn't sleep after Afghanistan either, Pepper. I just had a different way of coping," Tony said as he turned to her. "You have no idea what you're dealing with here Pepper, and I don't think you want to find out."

"I've seen you drunk many times Tony, and don't you forget."

"I don't forget Pepper – I know how much you've put up with, but you haven't had to deal with what will happen if I stop drinking before."

"What do you mean?"

"It's not fun, it's not pretty, and I'd rather not stop for your sake and mine. It's not worth doing for the few days I'll last before I go back to drinking like I always do."

"Tony, you _stopped_ after Afghanistan!"

"I spent three months in a cave! I spent three months in a shitty fucking cold fucking cave where there was no goddamn alcohol anywhere!"

"Then do it again!"

"Don't you _get it_, Pepper?" Tony yelled, "I can't fucking do it again! I can't go through that again and force someone else to put up with my bullshit!"

Tony threw his cup on the ground.

"Dad was a fucking alcoholic who never spent a second thinking about what he might have been doing to his son and his wife, and I'm no fucking different. I can't get myself away from the bottle long enough to spend time with anyone, not even you…"

Pepper was still focusing on what he said before throwing his cup to the ground.

"Someone else? Who else saw this? Who was in the cave with you?" she asked.

"The same man who saved my life. Saved it more than once, which was already one more time than I ever deserved." Tony answered.

"Tony, you're not like Howard – you do spend time with me and you've always done it in the past, before New York and before the aliens and-"

"Can we not talk about New York, please?" Tony said in an edgy voice. "That's kind of the reason for all this, so I'd rather not, you know, talk about it. Or mention it."

Tony moved to sit down on the couch in his workshop, resigned to the conversation he knew him and Pepper were now going to have. He didn't want her to leave, and he could tell that it was coming if he didn't start to do something about his sleeping, his drinking, and his thoughts.

His thoughts were the worst.

_Push her away, Tony. You're not good enough for her. All you do is drink – the drink is always there for you, always present when you need it._

_Just stay with the drink. Let her go. _Make_ her go._

He shook his head, sitting down on the couch and moving away from the bottle sitting on the counter near him.

"Pepper, if you're going to stay around for this, you need to stay around. I mean stay. Stay in the house with me, or in the same room as me. I'll fucking lie and cheat and steal to get what I want."

IRONMANIRONMAN

The day after Tony decided to stop drinking, Pepper called Rhodey to tell him. Quickly going over what had been happening in the six months following the alien invasion of New York (Tony drinking every night and going without sleep for days on end), they both decided that another person needed to be there.

"_Rhodey, I know it's hard but I really think you should be here," Pepper said. "There's no one he trusts more than you."_

_"I guess… I'm not the best man for the job though, if I'm going to be honest. I've spent years not only letting him drink, but for the most part encouraging it if it made him happier or more productive. I can't really think of anyone else though…"_

"_You're really the only one he has, apart from me."_

"_What about the Avengers," Rhodey said, slowly. "Isn't he friends with them?"_

"_Rhodey, you know Tony doesn't play well with others."_

"_You said he and Dr. Banner hit it off pretty well, and it wouldn't hurt at all to have a doctor around for him." _

_Pepper stopped to think for a bit. Although she knew about the Hulk, she also knew that he had saved Tony's life when he fell from the wormhole in New York, and that counted for much more than anything else in her books._

"_I'll see if Tony knows where he is,' she said quickly. "I think you might be right."_

"_Okay… How is Tony?" Rhodey asked._

"_Well, we both decided that we needed another person here, so he stopped drinking last night at twelve. We spent yesterday pouring all of his liquor down the sink."_

_Rhodey laughed, "Oh yeah? How did he take that?"_

"_He was counting how much money it was worth as it went down the drain."_

"_That doesn't surprise me in the least."_

"…"

"…"

"_Thanks for talking to me today Rhodey. I should get back to Tony before he breaks the perimeter. He seems to think he'd go to those lengths." _

"_He will, Pepper. Take care."_

"_You too."_

Hanging up the phone, Pepper went back upstairs to join Tony in bed.

"How'd it go?" Tony called from his space, the sound of his voice muffled by the pillow.

"Rhodey said he would just end up letting you drink eventually. Or something to that manner," Pepper replied.

"He's prob'ly right…"

"Let's go to sleep Tony, it's two in the morning. "

Pepper stepped out of the robe she was wearing and slid into the bed.

"You're not going to want to stay in bed with me in a few hours, Pepper."

"I want to stay in bed with you now though."

IRONMANIRONMAN

Five hours later, Tony was starting to shiver under the sheets. Pepper was still sound asleep though, so he refused to wake her up.

_You don't deserve to have her sleeping here with you. You'll wake her up if you keep going like this, and then she'll leave you. Get a drink. Go get a drink."_

"No," Tony said to himself. "No. No."

He kept shivering, stopping every couple of minutes when the temperature would rise and he would almost kick the sheets of to get some relief, but then the temperature would fall again.

It was getting unbearably cold and water was starting to bead on his forehead from the hot flashes, dripping into his eyes. Cold. It was cold and there was water on his face. He felt himself slipping into the past.

"_JERICHO! JERICHO!" _

Water dropped over his lips and down his neck and it was

So cold

"_He wants you to build a missile. This missile."_

"_I refuse."_

Shivering. Cold air. Water. Pain.

"_JERICHO!"_

_Pepper's face. Pepper calling his name._

"_Tony! TONY!"_

"Tony! I'm here!"

Pepper was holding him in her arms while his body shook uncontrollably.

"Tony, you're home, you're safe."

"Cold."

"Tony, you're burning up!"

"F-fever. It's normal," Tony stuttered. "Gonna last a wh-while."

"What can I do?" Pepper asked, looking down at him, shivering in her arms under the blankets.

"Just stay. Stay."

**A/N: depending on the reponse I might follow this up. Please read and review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary: **Tony stopped drinking after he got back from Afghanistan. Tony started drinking after he got back from New York. POST AVENGERS PRE IM3, SPOILERS.

**Disclaimer: **The usual. I don't own – I'd be filthy rich otherwise, which regrettably I'm not. Please R&R and give constructive crit.

**Rating: **T for my use of expletives and mature subject matter.

Pepper stayed with Tony throughout the morning, while he alternated between shivering under the blankets and trying to pull all of his clothes off in order to relieve the fever that was burning him up. After returning from his flashback to Afghanistan in the early hours of the morning, Pepper managed to stop him from falling into anymore, although it had been a close call a number of times. Tony was lying, exhausted on his side of the bed.

"Tony?" Pepper called, moving over to pull him onto his back.

"Hmm?"

Tony looked back at her, his mouth in a tight line and his eyes glazed over.

"Are you feeling better?"

"…A little bit… It'll come back."

"Rhodey said I should call Bruce."

"…"

"Do you want me to call Bruce?"

Tony shook his head before answering.

"Don't want him to see me like this. He's had bad experience with alcoholics."

Pepper frowned at him, and turned away to get a blanket to put back over Tony as he had started to shiver again.

"Tony, he's a doctor… He could help you."

"Not that kind of doctor, Pepper. It's not his job and I don't want to put it on him as well."

"I'm sure Bruce would just want to help Tony," Pepper said, taking his hands into hers. "You said yourself you wanted him to visit."

Tony pulled his hands away and snapped, "Pepper, I said I don't want him here and I mean it! Fuck!"

"Tony!"

"I don't want anyone's help with this, and I don't need it," Tony said, pulling himself from the bed. "I'm going down to the shop. Don't bother coming down."

Tony walked purposefully across the room towards the doorway, pausing only to change into a fresh set of clothes and drop his dirty ones in front of his closet.

"If you need me, don't call," he said, slamming the door behind himself.

Pepper sat stunned – Tony had never treated her this badly when she was trying to help him in the past.

"JARVIS?"

"Yes, Ms. Potts?" the robotic voice answered.

"Why is Tony acting like this?"

"He is experiencing alcohol withdrawal Ms. Potts. One of the more common symptoms is agitation."

"Are there others I should know about?"

"It is likely that Mr. Stark will experience a range of symptoms over the next week or so, ranging from a fever and tremors to possibly hallucinations and seizures."

"Oh my God."

"Mr. Stark does not believe in God, Ms. Potts."

"JARVIS!"

"I would advise having a doctor present if Mr. Stark is to continue this course of action, Ms. Potts."

"Call Bruce Banner."

"Yes Ms. Potts."

IRONMANIRONMAN

_Bruce was sitting at a small table in a shack in Calcutta, sorting through his medical supplies. Putting the most important ones in a separate container, he began to mark out what he needed for future medical treatment for the locals. As he reached for a pen, his computer started to signal an incoming internet call._

"_Mr. Banner?"_

_Bruce looked at the face on the screen, not recognizing it but knowing the number it came from._

"_Ms. Potts, right? What can I do for you? You're not calling on behalf of Fury are you?" he asked jovially, pushing his glasses up his nose._

"_Not at all. Actually I'm calling on behalf of Tony. I need your help."_

"_I'm a little far removed from any situation that could happen over where you are, Ms. Potts."_

"_I could get you here in under a day – just let me explain."_

"_Okay…"_

"_Tony stopped drinking. He's been hitting the bottle pretty hard since New York and I spent last night with him after he stopped. It wasn't pretty."_

"_How much has he been drinking?" Bruce asked._

"_Judging by the amount of alcohol that was missing, probably close to a bottle of scotch a night or more. Probably more… I'd say more."_

"_That's a lot of alcohol, Ms. Potts. He really needs to be in a hospital for this sort of detox. He may be going all right at the moment, but he could have seizures, hallucinations… He could die. I'm glad he's trying to stop, though."_

"…"

"_I'm not just saying this. I've seen it happen._

"…_Bruce, please come."_

_Bruce sighed and looked over at his medical equipment, which was sorely lacking. Pepper saw where his gazed moved to and decided to make an offer._

"_If you come, I'll get the company to make sure you never are in need of medical supplies again for the work you do – I'll have you stocked up permanently."_

_Bruce looked back to the computer, realizing the good he could do with such an offer._

"_Bring me over."_

IRONMANIRONMAN

Tony sat in his workshop, throwing things around the room.

"Stupid fucking Pepper. Stupid Howard. Stupid me. The great Tony Stark."

He threw a screwdriver through a holographic pull up of part of his suit.

"The Invincible Iron Man… Stupid title for a stupid hero. If only they could see me now."

Dummy wheeled back with the screwdriver clenched in his claw, bringing it up to Tony.

"Did I tell you to get that?" he said to the robot, which immediately backed away, making frightened chirping noises as he went.

"Sir, I would ask that you refrain from taking your anger out on the bots. They don't know what's troubling you an it is beyond their capacity to handle it."

"JARVIS, what have I told to you about talking to me when I don't give a shit about what you've got to say?"

"Not to do it sir, but I would ask that instead of sitting idly here, you do something with your time."

"Oh yeah? What am I supposed to do? Every time I stand up I feel like I'm about to pass out, I have to take my shirt off every five minutes because I'm alternating between a fucking desert and the arctic circle, and here's the kicker; my hands are shaking so goddamn much that I can't even drink a cup of coffee without spilling it!"

"Sir, you knew all this would happen before you agreed to do it."

"…"

"I'm not saying that makes it any better sir, but with all due respect, you were expecting this, while Ms. Potts was not. She is very concerned about you."

"…I know, JARVIS. I know. I just don't want her to see me like this. I look like shit, and I feel like shit."

"That is an accurate description of your current condition, sir." JARVIS stated.

"I swear to God, one day I'm going to take out whatever the fuck it is that makes you sassy, JARVIS, and you'll be sassless" muttered Tony.

IRONMANIRONMAN

Pepper was sitting at the kitchen table when Tony walked back upstairs with his hands in his pockets. She could see the sweat glistening on his face and arms, and his t-shirt was damp. He strode up to her slowly.

"Tony-"

"I'm sorry, Pepper. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm sorry, I fucked up and I didn't mean what I said."

"…"

"I mean this though, me saying sorry. I knew that this was going to happen when I stopped drinking and I should have warned you that I turn into an asshole."

"What do you mean 'turn' into an asshole? Pepper said with a small smile.

Tony smiled back, and it almost reached his eyes.

"I guess I meant I turn into more of an asshole…"

"That, I can agree with."

Moving towards the table where Pepper was sitting, Tony pulled a chair out with his feet and dropped his body down onto it, sagging into the chair.

"How are you feeling? Pepper asked, looking him over.

"I feel like absolute shit, Pepper. I'm hungry but I know I'll just throw it back up in a few hours once all the vomiting starts."

"You should probably eat something now then," Pepper said. "Do you want me to make you anything in particular?"

"Something dry and bready. It's about all I think will have a chance of staying down, even now."

Pepper stood up, moved over to the bench and put two slices of bread into the toaster and then made a cup of coffee for Tony and herself. Once the coffee and the toast were ready, she quickly spread a small amount of butter onto each slice and brought them back to the table.

"Can you empty out a bit of the coffee for me?" Tony said when he saw how full the cup was. "I know you're shocked that I'm asking you to get rid of what I think is the nectar of the universe, but I'll probably spill it everywhere otherwise."

Although Pepper didn't understand, she poured a little out of the cup regardless and then brought it back to Tony. As he reached out for the cup, she noticed how much his hands and arms were shaking, something she previously missed because he had his hands jammed into his pockets. When Tony saw her staring, he quickly grabbed the cup, put it on the table and shoved his hands into his lap.

"It's nothing Pepper, this is normal too. Don't worry about it…"

"Tony, the only reason I'm not taking you to the hospital right now is because Bruce agreed to come and stay here. He's leaving Calcutta tonight, when the jet gets there to pick him up."

"Pepper! I told you not to make him come!"

"I didn't make him come. I told him what has been happening and he agreed that you needed a doctor present. He said he's dealt with this kind of thing before-"

"Yeah, when his dad was lying on his deathbed! I don't want him to have to see me like he sees his father," yelled Tony.

"He doesn't Tony, he said so himself. He said he's glad that you've stopped drinking."

"…"

"Tony, he just needs to be here in case something dangerous happens – you said yourself you know how bad it can get and you've been drinking far more than you did before you went to Afghanistan. I'm sure you know that this is the best thing for you to do."

"Okay, okay. He can stay," Tony said, reaching for the toast on the table and taking a sip of the coffee, wincing as it went down. "I'm gonna regret eating this later, I'll tell you that now."

IRONMANIRONMAN

The remainder of the day passed relatively unremarkably, with Pepper and Tony deciding to sit down and plan out what was going to happen. Pepper was organizing for Tony to take up to a month off work, under the guise of working with the Avengers as a full time consultant. She told the Avengers themselves what was happening, with all of them being more supportive than she thought Tony expected they would be. Clint and Steve both offered to come around and spend time with Tony to take his mind off things 'if he ever wanted to,' to which Tony said no and yes to respectively, still holding resentment against Steve for whatever reason. Pepper herself took some of her leave from the last decade or so off, putting her deputy in control of the company temporarily (someone who Tony trusted) and getting Happy to make sure that everything was running smoothly and to update her as often as possible.

Hopefully, it would all go to plan.

That night however, Tony started to look more and more pale, and was starting to sweat more profusely than he had all day.

"Hot flashes are comin' back,' he said dopily from his position on the couch. "C'n you get me some water or somethin'?

Pepper walked over to the fridge, grabbed a bottle of water and brought it back to where Tony was lying, curled up on his side. She passed him the bottle and he took a couple of sips before shaking his head and setting it down.

"Feelin' sick…" he mumbled. "Get a bucket out."

"Already?"

"No! I'm just saying it to make you walk around and do shit for me!" Tony snapped. "I feel fucking great, on top of the fucking world!"

Quickly, Pepper ran towards the bathroom and shut herself inside, looking for the bucket and trying to gather herself up before she went back out to face Tony.

_He's not himself Pepper, you know this. Rhodey and JARVIS and Bruce all said he was going to struggle, and he told me he was going to act like an asshole. It's not him. He's going to get better._

"Pepper?" Tony asked as he knocked on the bathroom door. "I didn't mean that Pepper… Shit. Shit, I'm sorry…"

Pepper opened the bathroom door, and Tony stood there with the blanket around his shoulders, holding it up with his hands and his face hanging down. When he looked up, Pepper saw that he was crying.

"Fuck, Pepper, I'm sorry. You should leave, just leave me here. I don't deserve your help and I treat you like shit. You're just trying to help me, and no one's ever done that without having to and I'm treating you like this and you deserve better…" Tony rambled on, all the while not looking Pepper in the face.

"Tony, you've got to sit down," Pepper said, looking at him swaying in the doorway before sinking into the wall. He tried to take a step towards her but slid downwards instead, leaning with his back against the wall.

"'M'sorry. 'M'sorry you're always th' one to take care of my shit," murmured Tony. "I'm gonna treat you better, Pep."

Tony's head started to sink down to his chest and his eyes slid shut before he pulled them back open and looked her in the face. He spoke, and his voice broke.

"Help me, please."

**A/N: I'm actually using my own experience to write this. Every person who goes through withdrawal is different, and the person that I had this experience with is whom I've modeled the withdrawal off. Please press that little review button!**


	3. Chapter 3

Summary: Tony stopped drinking after he got back from Afghanistan. Tony started drinking after he got back from New York. POST AVENGERS PRE IM3, SPOILERS.

Disclaimer: The usual. I don't own – I'd be filthy rich otherwise, which regrettably I'm not. Please R&R and give constructive crit.

Rating: T for my use of expletives and mature subject matter.

They stayed in the bathroom for hours – once Tony's head hit his chest it wasn't coming back up and he had fallen into a fitful sleep, waking up to mutter something aloud every half hour or so. More often than not, when he woke up he also lurched towards the toilet in order to throw what little was left in his stomach up before it became just dry heaving. Just before five in the morning, JARVIS's robotic voice alerted them of the arrival of Bruce Banner.

"Ms. Potts, a Bruce Banner is waiting outside the front door. He was driven from the airport by Mr. Hogan, who also wishes to know about Mr. Stark's current condition."

"Let them both in. Happy deserves to know what's going on," Pepper replied, before she started trying to wake Tony up. "Tony, Tony wake up – Bruce is here with Happy and they want to check up on you."

"Go 'way."

"Tony, they're coming in now."

Tony's eyes started to open and they lost the glaze that they held the whole night. He blinked a few times at Pepper, before turning back to the toilet to dry heave again. While he was throwing up, Pepper went around the bathroom to try and get something to clean Tony up, which included grabbing a fresh T-shirt and trying to mop the sweat off his face.

"You need a shower," she said, pulling the shirt over his head after he raised his arms up to let her do so. "What's it been since you showered? Three days?"

"Something like that," muttered Tony. "I'll have one after Bruce checks up on me and I try and get something to eat. It's only been about a day since I had a drink."

"It has been around thirty hours since your last drink, sir," cut in JARVIS.

"Great, it gets worse then," said Tony, trying to stand up in order to get to the sink. As he rose, his legs were shaking too much to hold his weight and he slid back onto the floor. "Uh, I think I'll stay down here for now, Pepper. Just get Bruce and Happy to come in here."

Pepper brought a bucket filled with water around so that Tony could try and wash his face and arms, to get the smell of sweat off his body. His body was still shaking badly. Happy came to the bathroom door and knocked on it before sticking his head in. His eyebrows came down when he saw the state his boss was in.

"Holy shit, Pepper, is he okay?"

"I'm fine Happy – just getting over the worst of it! Nothing to worry about here," said Tony, his mask falling quickly in place. "Is Bruce here?"

Bruce stuck his head around the doorframe and as soon as he saw Tony, almost ran to where him and Pepper were sitting.

"Tony, you know this isn't good right? You should be in a hospital to do this and you should have medication and –"

"Bruce. You're here now – relax and do what you need to do." Tony interjected before Bruce could finish his rambling sentence.

"Okay… What symptoms have you had so far and how long has it been since you drank?" Bruce asked.

Tony started to list off what he had experienced while Bruce sat there absorbing the information. "Agitation, headache, nausea, vomiting, irritability, fever, restlessness, tremors and weakness. It's been about thirty hours since I drank last."

"…You know it's gonna get worse today, right? You haven't had any hallucinations, or seizures yet have you?"

"I don't think so. I had a flashback early on, I think," Tony said, while checking with Pepper that his answer was right. "I don't think it was a hallucination and I definitely haven't had a seizure."

Happy stood in the doorway watching the exchange with a concerned look in his eyes. He cleared his throat to speak, looking at Pepper when he spoke.

"Do you need me to stick around at all, Pepper? I can help out if you need."

"Happy, I don't pay you to watch over sick alcoholics – go home, and take the week off. You've earned it, but you don't have to deal with this," said Tony before Pepper could reply. "If you really want, you can stick around – but don't expect overtime for it."

Happy nodded, seemingly content with the answer.

"I'll go home," he said, "but I'll be back to check up on you guys. Someone has to, you know. You kids run a riot around here," and with that he left, leaving Pepper, Tony and Bruce in the bathroom to figure out what was going to happen.

"I want to get Tony up and moving, preferably walking around for a little bit before he lies down again," Bruce said looking at Tony. "Think you're up for that?"

"…Probably not…" said Tony, looking Bruce in the face. "I tried to get up before you got here and didn't have any success."

"Alright, I'm gonna go get some Powerade or something, and if you can keep it down that might help get your sugar back up and get rid of a bit of your weakness," Bruce said, rushing off to the kitchen.

IRONMANIRONMAN

Forty minutes later, after possibly the slowest drink Tony had ever had, his arms were around Pepper's and Bruce's shoulders and he was stumbling with them into the kitchen. Once they got there, he was deposited onto one of the chairs and Bruce threw another Powerade bottle at Pepper, who put it down in front of Tony.

"Drink," said Bruce, gesturing at the bottle.

Tony looked at it and grimaced, remembering how upset his stomach was not an hour previously when he tried to get the first bottle of sweet liquid down.

"I'm not really sure I'm gonna be able to keep this one down as well, Bruce."

"You have to keep drinking it and if you throw it up, you're just gonna have to drink more. You're dehydrated and your blood sugar is low – that's why you're feeling so weak, and doing just this may make it better for later on."

"I doubt it," Tony muttered "I'll either just throw it back up or sweat it back out at the rate I'm going."

During this time, Pepper made her way back to the bathroom and started up a bath. She set out a clean set of clothes for Tony, had a quick bath herself and then got changed into a pair of trackpants and a jumper. Starting up the shower, she went back into the kitchen and heard Bruce and Tony talking together and she stopped to listen.

"How many times have you detoxed before?" asked Bruce, making himself a cup of coffee and pouring some cereal into a bowl.

"Once or twice," replied Tony before taking a sip of the bottle in front of him. "One time when I left MIT, after my parents died, and another when I was captured in Afghanistan. The second one was far worse…"

"That happens, you know. The more times you detox, the worse it gets. This time is gonna be worse than what it was like in Afghanistan, so you have to be ready for that."

"I didn't have an option in Afghanistan either. I do here…"

"Don't tell yourself that Tony, you'll just give yourself an easy way out if you think like that."

"I'm doing it for Pepper. Not for myself."

"No, you're doing it for Pepper and yourself. If you really didn't want this, you'd have made Pepper leave so you could keep drinking. She just happened to be the person you care about the most and can't stand losing. There's always a reason, Tony."

"A reason for what?"

"A reason for everything," Bruce said with a secretive smile, before busying himself with his food and letting the conversation slip into a comfortable silence. Tony sat at the table, still sweating but looking less pale and weak than before.

"I got the shower ready for you Tony, if you want to use it now," said Pepper, walking loudly into the room to announce her presence. "It's probably better you do it now, while you're feeling a little bit better."

Bruce looked towards Pepper and nodded, confirming his agreement.

"Give it a few hours and you're gonna start feeling like crap again, Tony. I'd go for one now just quickly."

Tony nodded before standing up and gesturing for Pepper to come and support him. He leant slightly against her while they moved towards the bathroom and left Bruce in the kitchen to finish off his breakfast.

IRONMANIRONMAN

While Tony was in the shower, Pepper went back into the kitchen again to talk to Bruce about what was going to happen. He looked up at her as she came in, before opening his mouth to speak.

"He's doing alright for not being in a hospital you know," he said. "Realistically speaking he shouldn't really be able to get out of bed."

"He's a lot stronger than people give him credit for," replied Pepper, strongly.

"I'm not denying that. I'm just saying we should be extra careful – he could get worse very quickly. I need you to go check all of his medicine cabinets and see if you can find any benzodiazepines – Valium, Temazepan, anything like that. It'll help out a lot if anything goes wrong."

Walking around Tony's workshop, Pepper quickly located the first aid cabinet and found what Bruce was after – there was a prescribed bottle of Valium which was almost a year old but still in date, and one of Diazepam, which she also decided to bring upstairs.

"Found these in his workshop –" Pepper started to say, before she realised that Bruce wasn't in the kitchen anymore.

"JARVIS, where's Bruce?"

"Ms. Potts, Mr. Banner is in the bathroom with Mr. Stark – his condition seems to have worsened. I recommend that you assist straight away."

Pepper dropped the medication and ran towards the bathroom, stopping in the doorway to see Bruce holding a up a sopping wet Tony who was clad only in a towel that was hanging around his waist.

"He fainted in the shower," Bruce said to her, "help me get him over to the bed."

Pepper rushed over and ducked under Tony's arm which wasn't being held up by Bruce and helped him struggle over to the bed. Once they reached it, he collapsed face down upon it and tried to turn over.

"Pepper, I'm gonna be sick," he said, grabbing at her arm.

Bruce quickly ran off into the bathroom again and found the bucket Pepper had stowed in there earlier before running back, where Pepper had turned Tony over and pulled him up so that he was now sitting on the edge of the bed. As soon as Bruce arrived with the bucket, Tony grabbed it from him and retched into it repeatedly.

"There goes all the fluid he drank…" Pepper said, frowning.

"It's far better that he drank it – he actually has something in his stomach to throw up other than bile now," said Bruce, who was looking at Tony. "Tony, you done there?"

Tony groaned, his head still in the bucket.

"Guess not," Bruce said. "Pepper, can you get me the medication you found? I'm assuming he had some stashed away."

"I'll go grab it now," said Pepper, turning to Tony quickly, "I'll be right back, Tony."

Pepper quickly left the room, grabbed the medication off the ground where she had dropped it and came back. Tony was sitting with his head in his hands, the bucket sitting on the floor next to him and Bruce leaning on the bed. Tony seemed to be focussing on keeping his breathing steady, but was obviously having trouble with it. Bruce was talking as he sat next to him.

"Tony, focus on your breaths. In and out, in and out," he said as he moved to crouch in front of Tony.

"Bruce, I can't – I can't breath," Tony gasped. He pulled at his shirt and then held his chest. "Tight. I can't – it's tight."

"Try to slow down, think about breathing, just breathing in and out."

Pepper rushed to Tony's side, and put the medication next to Bruce.

"Should he take any medication?" Pepper asked, showing Bruce the labels."

"Get a Valium. That should help any future anxiety that he might get and possible seizures."

Tony was still gasping, curled over his knees at the edge of the bed.

"Pep – can't, can't breathe," he stuttered, pulling at her sleeve, "I can't do this Pepper – can't do this."

"Tony, take this," Bruce said as Pepper pressed a pill into the hand that was holding her shirt. "Take this and you'll be able to breathe. Just take it and wait."

Tony took the pill from Peppers hand and threw it into his mouth, swallowing it dry. He tried to breathe, but found that he still couldn't, and his breaths grew faster and shallower. Sweat started to form on his forehead and he began to shake more.

"Still – can't – breathe," he said to Bruce, looking up at him with pain in his eyes as he struggled with the neck of his shirt.

"Just wait, Tony. Wait."

**A/N: sorry for the wait, please leave a review!**


	4. Chapter 4

Summary: Tony stopped drinking after he got back from Afghanistan. Tony started drinking after he got back from New York. PRE IM3, SPOILERS.

Disclaimer: The usual. I don't own – I'd be filthy rich otherwise, which regrettably I'm not. Please R&R and give constructive crit.

Rating: T for my use of expletives and mature subject matter.

**A/N: ** Olympus97, I may or may not bring in the other Avengers, depending on how far the fic goes and if I continue this into a character study for Tony's alcoholism, including how he would manage being completely sober.

*Also, a note about Tony being rather out of character in places: alcohol withdrawal (or any type for that matter) pretty much destroys who you are for a period of time, and can turn anyone into someone that begs for it to end. Even the strongest of people can't deal with withdrawal in the way that they'd wish to. In time, Tony will return to his usual wiseass self.

Tony relaxed as the Valium took effect and he was eventually able to lie down on the bed and pretend he was doing all right. As he did that, Pepper took the opportunity to put a blanket over his prone form while Bruce pulled Tony's feet up onto the bed.

"Gotta sleep," Tony slurred, turning over so that his face was pressed into a pillow that he was hugging. "Tired."

"I know you're tired Tony, but you can't sleep until you tell me how sick you're feeling and if I need to go get some medication," Bruce said, pulling Tony's face out of the pillow.

"Go 'way, sleep'n,"

"Pepper, can you do this for me? He might be more likely to listen to you," said Bruce as he pulled his hands down his face. "I'm gonna go clean up quickly, I'll be back in a few minutes."

Pepper lay down next to Tony and took his head in her arms. He pulled his face out of the pillow to look her in the eyes.

"Everythin' hurts," he said, shaking under the blankets. "I'm cold."

"What?" said Pepper as she tried to smooth his soaking hair out of his eyes.

"Everything. Hurts," Tony said, trying to sit and movie up to Pepper's lap. "My legs are aching, and they don't stop unless I move them around."

"I'll ask Bruce about that," said Pepper, looking Tony full in the face. "How are you feeling though? The sooner you tell us, the sooner you can go to sleep."

"I'm still feeling pretty sick. I don't think the throwing up has finished yet. Tell Bruce to get something that stops people from throwing up?"

"Okay. You're doing well Tony," said Pepper.

"…"

"You are. You might not think it but you are," Pepper said, making sure Tony saw the sincerity in her eyes. "I'm proud of you, I'm so proud of you."

They sat together in silence for a few minutes with Pepper brushing her hands through Tony's hair, before Bruce came back asking about what sort of medicine he needed to get. Pepper told him the details, and he grabbed his coat and left the house.

"Bruce just went to get something for your stomach. You're going to be fine, Tony."

"You don't know that…" he said, starting to close his eyes. "It gets harder…"

Tony started drifting off to sleep, feeling safe in Pepper's arms, and with her hands in his hair. His entire body was still shaking though, which worried Pepper. She made a note to remind Bruce about it when he came back, but in the meantime she settled down in the bed, ready to try and sleep as well.

IRONMANIRONMAN

When Bruce got back to the house, he could feel something was wrong as soon as he walked in the door.

"JARVIS, is everything all right with Pepper and Tony?" he asked the AI, waiting for the response.

"Ms. Potts is in the master bedroom and she is fine. Mr. Stark however, is wandering around on the upstairs balcony. I recommend that you intervene with haste," responded JARVIS.

"Shit."

Bruce shoved the medication he was carrying into his pocket and took the flight of stairs to the balcony two at a time. When Tony came into his sight, his stomach dropped. Tony was leaning over the edge of the balcony, seemingly locked in conversation with another person. Bruce strained to hear what was being said.

"Yinsen, I'm gonna set you up with some sweet medical stuff here, just to thank you for what you did."

"…"

"No, it's not a problem. You did save my life after all."

"…"

"What do you mean?"

"…"

"Yinsen, don't say that. Don't say that!"

"…"

"No."

"…"

"No. That's not true. You don't mean it…"

Bruce started towards the door, just as Tony swung around to face the person only he could see. He dropped to his knees, sweat falling into his eyes from his hair and some running down his arms. His shirt was again soaked through.

"Yinsen please, you didn't help them. Tell me you didn't. Don't let them take me away again! I didn't mean to kill people, I didn't know! I didn't know!"

"Tony?" Bruce stood a few metres away from where Tony was kneeling, and softly tried to break into his hallucination. "Tony?"

Tony was still kneeling on the ground, holding his chest.

"Don't take it, please. I need it," he said, his hand over the arc reactor. "Don't take it out, I'll do anything just leave it in, I need it. I need it!" He fell to the ground, shaking and crying, his hands still held over the reactor.

"Tony!" Bruce said, rushing towards him. Tony looked straight at him, fear in his eyes. "No! Tony it's me, Bruce. I'm just gonna take you back downstairs."

Tony looked at him with confusion, blinking several times and running his hands over his face. "Bruce? I – what?" He looked around. "What am I doing up here?"

"You had a hallucination, Tony. I'm going to have to give you more medication to stop it from happening again."

"Shit."

"This is a lot worse than what it was like in Afghanistan isn't it…?" asked Bruce.

"Yeah. Yeah it is…"

IRONMANIRONMAN

When Pepper woke up Tony wasn't in the bed. Instead, he was sleeping out on the couch in the living room with Bruce lying on the floor beside him. Curious, she got off the mattress and moved towards where they were. Bruce gestured at her to keep quiet.

"I had to give him a larger dose of Valium – he slipped into a hallucination while I was out."

Pepper gasped softy before moving towards Tony to confirm for herself that he was okay.

"He's fine," said Bruce. "He should be fine with the hallucinations as long as we keep the sedatives at a steady level."

"Couldn't that cause him to become addicted to them as well?" asked Pepper. "I mean, it's not worth him getting off the alcohol, then ending up hooked on something else."

"Realistically speaking, he would have to be on the sedatives for a more extended period of time than his withdrawal will last in order for him to get addicted to them. I don't plan on leaving any around after he's gotten past the acute withdrawal stage –"

"The what?" Pepper broke in.

"Acute withdrawal – the physical stuff," Bruce clarified. "After he gets past this, he'll have a lot more mental things to deal with, like cravings, and his head will be a bit messed up for a while, to put it simply."

"…"

"Last time he did this Pepper, he built the Iron Man suit. I'm sure he'll probably make another prototype for something after this. He just has to keep his mind busy – you'll both get used to it."

Pepper looked at Tony, sleeping on the bed. He almost looked peaceful except for the ever-present sheen of sweat over his body that simply refused to go away, and the slight tremors that remained.

IRONMANIRONMAN

_There were hands gripping the back of his neck, pushing his face into the cold, dirty water. The battery he was holding onto zapped his chest when it touched the liquid and he held on to it tighter, trying not to drop it in shock._

_JERICHO! JERICHO!_

_Blackness swelled around him as he went through the portal with the missile. Once he was through, the sheer size of the universe overwhelmed him. He was insignificant – humans were not the only creatures alive, contrary to the belief of (not himself) but many others on their tiny, tiny planet._

_It was beautiful, seeing the stars in the sky. As far as last sights go, this one was good._

_But Pepper. He left Pepper._

_CALL FAILED_

_CALL FAILED_

_CALL FAILED_

"Pepper!" Tony cried out, hours later – Bruce woke from the floor with a start, and Pepper jumped from her chair in the kitchen to the couch where Tony was sitting. "I dreamt – I went through the portal – and you were there – not there, here – but I left you – I left you here and I promised that I'd never do that and –" Tony was left gasping for breath as he tried to get his message across.

Pepper frowned and looked at him, "Tony, you saved the world. If you hadn't have done that, we wouldn't have been here now."

Tony was still gasping for breath, his face shadowed in pain as he remembered the feeling of running out of air in space and he started slipping back and

_CALL FAILED_

_He was never going to see her again. Never going to be with her again. He failed Pepper, his Pepper. He said he would never, ever leave her._

_And he did._

_A voice broke through his thoughts, which was impossible because he was in space and there were no other people, and how did he have thoughts because he ran out of air and he was dead and –_

_Tony! Tony!_

_Pepper's voice. That's Pepper. Did the call go through? _

_Tony!_

Bruce and Pepper watched as Tony slid back into what had been his nightmare, but was now a flashback.

"He's burning up – that's why it's so bad, Pepper. We need to get him cooled down. Run the bath, now. Cold water."

Pepper ran out to the bathroom and set up what Bruce needed. He followed a minute later, staggering a long while holding Tony up. Tony's eyes were wild, and he was trying to get loose and away from Bruce's grip.

_Pepper needs me. Pepper called. Pepper!_

"Get him in the bath, his fever is way too high and he needs his temperature down." Bruce said, bringing him over to Pepper. "Don't worry about his clothes, just put him in like he is."

They both tried to lift Tony into the water, but he struggled against them.

_Pepper, I need to get to Pepper – Pepper needs me! Got to get back!_

_Tony, relax!_

_He heard her voice through his struggles and fell still._

_Tony, we're going to put you in the bath now to get your temperature down._

_Bath? Temperature?_

_Water._

_Cold water. _

_Have to stay out of water._

_He started struggling again._

Lifting Tony into the bath took time, but eventually Pepper and Bruce managed to get him over the side and into the water. The second his body hit the cold water though, his eyes rolled back into his head and he stopped moving.

"No – noooooooo," moaned Tony. "No please, not again. Not again. I'll do it, I'll build it. Please not again."

He wasn't struggling in the water, instead his body went completely still, save for the shivers that still wracked his frame. Bruce looked at Pepper questioningly, but she only looked more confused than him.

"Y-Yinsen, please. Please make them let me out, I'll build it I promise, just not again." His eyes were darting around, looking for people hidden in shadows that only he could see.

"Get him out of there," Pepper snapped, "now."

"I'll get some cold packs instead," Bruce said as he nodded. They both reached in to Tony, but he pulled away from them, shrinking as far away as he could.

"I'll build it, I told you. I'll build it."

"We need to get him out now, Pepper. Pull the plug of the bath and I'll pull him out."

Pepper did what Bruce asked and watched as he reached in, ignoring the hits that Tony was trying to make to get him to go away. After one punch landed solidly in his face, Bruce managed to grab Tony by his now sopping shirt and pull him out of the water. He pulled the shirt off his shivering body and Pepper dropped a towel down, which was promptly used to wrap Tony up. Bruce then rushed off to grab cold packs, and left Pepper to remove the rest of Tony's wet clothing and replace it with towels to dry him off. Shortly after, she pulled a set of tracksuit pants on him, but left his top half uncovered. When Bruce returned, they lay Tony out on towels left on the bathroom floor and packed him with the ice packs.

After one of the longest hours Pepper had ever faced, Tony finally opened his eyes again and blinked wearily at her. "What – What happened?" he asked.

"We put you in the bath…"

"Ah."

"Tony, you know if you told me I would have tried to help you. I didn't even notice that you never swim anymore…"

"…"

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Tony," Bruce broke in. "Whenever you're ready to tell anyone about it, they will listen."

"Maybe," said Tony. "Maybe. What's the time?"

"JARVIS, time please?" Pepper asked the AI.

"The time is eleven pm, Ms. Potts."

Pepper looked down at Tony. "You ready to try and go to bed?" she asked.

"I think so."

**A/N**: you get two in one day because I'm really bored.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary:** Tony stopped drinking after he got back from Afghanistan. Tony started drinking after he got back from New York. PRE IM3, SPOILERS.

**Disclaimer:** The usual. I don't own – I'd be filthy rich otherwise, which regrettably I'm not. Please R&R and give constructive crit.

**Rating:** T for my use of expletives and mature subject matter.

**A/N: **Please drop a review concerning whether you would like this fic to be continued into Tony trying to deal with his issues sober – would mean a lot to me for some constructive criticism to come in as well! Thanks and enjoy!

It had been forty-eight hours since Tony had so much as a sip of alcohol, and the withdrawal was very much setting in. Although he hadn't suffered any more hallucinations, the flashbacks were occurring any time he shut his eyes to try and sleep. The fact that he was still drenched in sweat didn't help, nor did his inability to stay still in bed, the jerking movements of his legs keeping him awake.

"I didn't – I didn't get this bad before," he said, shaking under the blanket he was covered in. "Or maybe I did, and I just don't remember…" He looked around, his eyes glazed over from the effects of the Valium Bruce was giving him. "Pepper, I can't do this."

Pepper looked over at Tony from her side of the bed where she was lying on top of the blankets, "you can, I know you can. You're doing well, even Bruce said so."

"That's because he had to dope me up with tranquilisers. I knew I wouldn't be able to do this myself, fuck, I even need medication to stop drinking…"

"Most people who drink as much as you do would be in a hospital for this and you know it. You're risking your life like this – the least you can do is accept that you needed a little bit of help to get through it safely, Tony."

"I just want this to be over."

"I know."

IRONMANIRONMAN

Bruce came back in, bringing yet another bottle of Powerade with him. Tony eyed the bottle with distaste, and then reached out grudgingly for it. After struggling to open it for almost a minute, Pepper took it off him and opened it for him before handing it back.

"Thanks…" muttered Tony. "I'm starting to really hate this stuff, you know. I'm just sweating it out by the bucket load."

"Better than getting ridiculously dehydrated Tony," Bruce said as he held another two pills out for him to take. "Take these as well."

Tony held his hand out and took the pills, eyeing them warily. "I don't want to get hooked on these, Bruce," he said before swallowing them. "These are harder to get off than alcohol. And I know."

"I'm gonna start weaning you off them as soon as the physical withdrawal is over, Tony. I'm not an idiot," replied Bruce.

"Never said you were."

"No you didn't. But you did imply it. You're good at that."

"Mmm."

"How much longer is this going to last, Bruce? Pepper asked, moving along the bed to be closer to Tony.

"It could last anything from a few more days to more than a week longer – really, it just depends on how Tony's body handles it," replied Bruce, "what was it like last time, Tony? How long did it last?"

"After I woke up from the surgery they gave me, it was about a week until I started to feel any better…" said Tony, sinking into the blankets as he started shivering violently. "Um, I-I also didn't h-have any medication though."

"That makes sense. The next few days should be easier with the medication, even though your symptoms have been worse. You shouldn't have anything more than what you have now."

"Which is?"

"Fever, vomiting, nightmares, nausea, tremors, anxiety, mood swings, depression…"

"That makes it all b-better," said Tony, sarcastically, before paling suddenly. "Bucket," he said while still shivering. "Bucket, n-now."

Pepper started to rush off to get the bucket but she was stopped by Tony's hand. "Pepper don't leave me," he said, turning to her with worry in his eyes. "Don't leave me."

"Bruce, get the bucket," Pepper said, moving back down to stay with Tony on the bed. "I'm not leaving Tony, Bruce is getting the bucket for you."

Tony moaned into the blankets, holding his stomach.

_Every time he makes me drink that stupid sugary shit, this happens_, Tony thought, mentally reminding himself never to take anything remotely resembling a Powerade from Bruce ever again. He clutched his stomach harder, willing himself not to throw up until Bruce returned with the bucket.

"In front of you, Tony," said Bruce as he shoved a bucket into Tony's face, which was promptly filled with vomit. Tony grasped at the edges of the bucket, pulling it into his lap. "You're gonna have to take more Valium," he said. "There's not way that stayed down long enough to have any effect."

"L-later," said Tony, his face in the bucket. With one free hand, he reached for Pepper's arm and latched onto it, gripping it tightly. After a good fifteen minutes of heaving into the bucket, Tony passed it back to Bruce who took it to empty it out in the bathroom. Instead of leaving it there, he washed it out and brought it back with him, before sitting on the edge of the bed and setting it down on the floor next to Tony. He reached into his pocket and shook out another two Valium tablets.

"Tony, you have to take these while you can keep something down, then just rest as much as you can. They're the only thing stopping you from having another anxiety attack or hallucination."

Pepper took the pills from Bruce's hand and brought them down to Tony's face – he was shivering with his head curled to his chest and he was hugging himself. His legs moved around under the blankets of their own accord.

"Tony, take these,' Pepper said, but Tony shook his head.

"No more medication," he said, "I'm done with this, just leave me alone."

"Tony, don't be an idiot," she said. "You know you need to take it."

_I need a drink. That's what I need._

"I need a drink.

Pepper and Bruce looked at each other. Pepper lay back alongside Tony and tried to get him to look at her.

"Tony, you're doing well, you're nearly there."

"Fuck off."

_Ineedadrinkineedadrinkineedadrink_

"No. I'm not leaving you, and neither is Bruce," Pepper said, reaching out to embrace Tony. He reacted quickly, scooting along the bed until he reached the end and lashing out.

"I said, fuck off!"

Pepper jumped backwards, shocked at his harsh words.

"I need a fucking drink," whispered Tony, glaring at both Bruce and Pepper. Neither of them responded, and then he pulled his shaking body off the bed. Holding onto the wall to stop himself from collapsing on the ground, Tony staggered over his closet and pulled out a long sleeve coat, before walking out the door.

IRONMANIRONMAN

Bruce and Pepper sat in shock for a minute before finally responding to JARVIS's voice over the speaker.

"Sir has left the premises – I advise you to follow him immediately as his vitals are not optimal," the robotic voice sounded worried as it spoke.

"Did he take a car?" Pepper asked, standing up with Bruce to rush down to the garage.

"Yes – he left in one of the less conspicuous cars, Ms. Potts."

"Okay, okay. Bruce, I'm going to get in the car – you stay here."

"What am I supposed to do here?" Bruce asked pointedly. "I'm of far more use coming with you!"

"No, one of us has to stay here, and if he comes back in a bad way and I'm still out, you're the better person to take care of him. You can get everything ready if we need it."

Bruce was still for a moment, but then he nodded. "Okay."

Tony was driving along the road at top speed, rushing to try and find the nearest liquor store and buy the first alcohol he saw. Pepper's face danced across his eyes, and he kept seeing the last look that she gave him before he left. He shook his head, trying to get both the image of her shocked face out, but also try and clear his eyes from the sweat that was dripping into them. Both of his hands gripped the steering wheel hard.

_You left her. You left her – she's never going to forgive you, Tony. _

_Go get a drink, go to a bar. Forget this ever happened._

_Go back, she'll take you back._

_Go get a drink._

_Go back._

_Drink._

_Pepper._

Tony gasped, put his foot on the break quickly and brought the car to a complete stop on the side of the road.

_Pepper. I hurt Pepper, _Tony thought.

His hands went to his chest, which was suddenly alive with pain – for a short moment, he thought there was something wrong with the arc reactor, but then he realised that it was coming from a place below the reactor, and his breaths were growing shorter and shorter.

"No, no, no not again. No"

He ran his hands over his face and pulled at the neck of his shirt, but his breaths grew shorter and shallower. Holding his chest, he opened the door of the car and feel out onto the ground. The sky seemed to fall in towards him, and his eyes started to become black around the edges.

_You're dying, Tony. You're dying out here, alone. _

He gasped, and a sob found its way out of his mouth.

_Now you're crying._

"Stop it, stop it. Please."

_Useless. _

"Stop it!"

Scrabbling at his chest, Tony tried to drag in air but was rewarded with nothing. He felt as if his entire chest had closed up, and he was left, lying on the ground, gasping. The voices kept running through his head, shouting at him, mumbling at him.

_She doesn't love you. She's not coming back._

_Get a drink._

_You're worthless. You've always been worthless._

He broke down as he lay on the ground next to his car on the highway, sobbing and gasping, begging for something, anything, to stop what was happening.

"Come back, Pepper."


	6. Chapter 6

Summary: Tony stopped drinking after he got back from Afghanistan. Tony started drinking after he got back from New York. PRE IM3, SPOILERS.

Disclaimer: The usual. I don't own – I'd be filthy rich otherwise, which regrettably I'm not. Please R&R and give constructive crit.

Rating: T for my use of expletives and mature subject matter.

Pepper drove along the road slowly, looking for any signs of Tony's whereabouts. After around an hour of driving it was getting close to six in the morning, when suddenly, she saw his car on the side of the road. Quickly pulling over and jamming her car to a halt., she jumped out of the car, ran around to the driver's side of Tony's car and stopped in her tracks. Tony was leaning up against the front wheel with his head in his hands. He was crying.

"Tony?" Pepper said, moving towards him slowly. "Tony, are you okay?"

He looked up at her with a tear-streaked face, shaking from his fever.

"Please take me home. I'm s-sorry," said Tony. "I wanna go home." He sat on the ground, hiccupping and clasping his trembling hands together. "I n-need your h-help."

"Oh, Tony. Come on, I'll drive you home – Bruce is waiting there for us," said Pepper, grabbing Tony's arms and helping him up. As he was pulled upright, he sagged against the side of the car and gasped, grabbing at his stomach. Pepper quickly pulled away, but still helped him stay upright.

"N-not gonna throw up…Just need to get h-home."

Together, they struggled back to Pepper's car, and as soon as Tony was safely inside, he curled up in the back seat, his hand still in Pepper's through the gap in the two front seats.

"Love you," he said, before falling into a restless sleep.

IRONMANIRONMAN

Bruce was waiting in the garage when they arrived home, and he quickly went up to Tony to check him out. After ascertaining that he was just a little bit worse for wear, he and Pepper carried him over to the makeshift bed that Tony slept on (albeit for almost non-existent periods of time) when he was manically at work in his lab for days on end. He mumbled a few times as they carried him over but didn't stir until he was set down on the bed.

"Pep…" he said, grabbing out for her arm. "Pepper."

Pepper looked apologetically at Bruce, who just gave her a small and knowing smile back. He reached into his pocket and brought out the bottle of Valium he had kept there for Tony's arrival, and set two out on the bedside table before giving the rest of the bottle to Pepper.

"You know the deal now. I'm sorry, but I have to get some rest. I tend to get a little on edge after a while…" he said.

"Bruce, I understand."

"Thanks, Pepper," Bruce said as he left the room, shutting the door quietly behind himself.

Pepper took the pills of the bedside table and shook Tony into an almost coherent stage of consciousness. Putting the pills in his mouth, she poured a small amount of water in and he swallowed without making an effort against her. Quickly, he fell back asleep. For the rest of the night Tony slept, waking only at intervals when he needed to be sick into the bucket that Bruce conveniently left under the bed, or because his temperature rose and fell constantly. Pepper stayed next to him, whispering encouragement into his ear.

Early in the evening, Tony woke with a start and realised for the first time in almost three days, he didn't have a thick sheen of sweat over his face. Unfortunately, this new development was overshadowed by a persistent headache behind his eyes, and the occasional shock feeling in his head. Trying to stand up, Tony was suddenly faced with an overwhelming feeling of vertigo, and he collapsed back onto the bed.

"Shit," he said, waking Pepper up. "Sorry, Pepper."

She looked at him with bleary eyes, not quite understanding yet what he was apologising for.

"…What?" she asked, rolling over and putting her face in the pillow, trying to get back to sleep.

"Sorry for waking you up," answered Tony.

Pepper laughed into her pillow and then looked up at him with a smile in her eyes. "Don't worry, Tony. Let's go upstairs."

IRONMANIRONMAN

Once upstairs, Pepper and Tony were met with Bruce cooking in the kitchen. Tony stood in the doorway, a blanket draped over his body and a beanie on his head. Clearly, noted Bruce, he was still suffering from chills, although the hot flashes had apparently finished. Tony turned his nose up at the smell of food and instead made a beeline to the coach where he curled up in a pile of pillows. His head stuck out from the blanket, which he wrapped all around his body.

"He's feeling better then?" asked Bruce, stirring a cup of coffee while leaning on the kitchen counter.

"It's rude to talk about people like they're not in the room with you," called a voice from the couch.

Pepper looked at Bruce and smiled, "I think he is," she said while taking the bottle of Valium out of her pocket. "I gave him another two when he woke up at around three this afternoon."

"Okay, I'll give him another one now and see how he goes – I'm gonna start trying to lower the dosage as soon as possible, but if he gets worse again or has another panic attack, I'm going to have to put it back up."

"Makes sense," nodded Pepper. "I think we should ask him about what happened last night as well."

"I'll do that," said Bruce, moving over to Tony. He grabbed a cup of coffee on the way over, and as soon as Tony smelled the beverage, his eyes snapped open.

"Coffee. Now," he said, sticking a shaking arm out. Bruce put the mug in his hand, and Tony sat up a little bit.

"What happened after you drove away last night?" asked Bruce, looking Tony seriously in the eye.

"Diagnostically or in depth?" answered Tony, being his usual cryptic self.

"Whichever is fine, honestly."

"I had a pretty bad panic attack, I think. I couldn't breathe at all… And I started hearing… Things."

"The panic attack makes sense – you hadn't had any medication for a while and you vomited up the last pills I had given you. What things were you hearing?"

"…Voices…"

"Okay. That can be part of alcoholic hallucinosis. W hat kinds of things were they saying?"

"I was hearing that I was going to die…" Tony whispered, "and that everything had been my fault…"

Bruce sat and looked at Tony, whose eyes were downcast. He snapped his fingers in front of his face, and Tony looked up.

"Alcoholic hallucinosis. It's normal, and it's over already. Won't happen again unless you have to go through withdrawal again," said Bruce with a reassuring smile on his face.

Tony almost grinned, and attempted to drink the coffee from the mug in his hands, but they were still shaking too much and came close to spilling over.

"Why didn't you put it in a travel mug?" he asked innocently.

Bruce just glared at him.

"Yeah, you're feeling better."

IRONMANIRONMAN

The rest of the night passed quickly, with the three of them settling down to watch a movie. Every once in a while either Pepper or Bruce had to help Tony to the bathroom to be sick, but in general he was feeling better.

"Hey Bruce," Tony said, pausing the film for a moment. "Why won't my legs stop hurting unless I'm moving them around?"

"Restless Leg Syndrome," Bruce answered with a yawn. "Takes a while to go away, sorry to say. There's really nothing I can do about it but tell you to, well, keep moving them around."

"That kind of sucks," said Tony. He looked over to Pepper, who was asleep along the couch next to him with her legs in his lap. "I think I'm just gonna sleep here, tonight."

"All good. I'll take the guest room around the corner," said Bruce. "Start the movie up again."

They both settled down to watch the rest of the movie on low volume, making an effort to let Pepper sleep. Just as the credits started, Bruce turned around to see that Tony had fallen asleep as well, reaching along the opposite side of the couch to Pepper. He got up and walked to his room, picking up his phone on the way there. He dialled a number and waited for the person on the other side to pick up.

"_Bruce?" said the voice on the other side of the line._

"_Barton – Tony's feeling a lot better now. I reckon it's about time for you guys to move into the Tower."_

"_Pepper said that Tony didn't want us there."_

"_Tony's not in the same mindset he was when you were asked. I talked to Pepper about it earlier and we both decided that it would be good for Tony to have more people around to take his mind of being sober, when the time comes."_

"…_As a distraction…"_

"_Not as a distraction – as a support group. You all want him sober as much as Pepper and I do, Clint," said Bruce._

"_I'll talk to the others about it, and I'll let you know tomorrow," said Clint._

"_Thanks," said Bruce, getting ready to hang up._

"_Oh, and Bruce? Fucking go to bed," Clint said, killing the line._

Tossing his phone onto the bed, Bruce just laughed as he got changed. It was going to get interesting, having the rest of the Avengers around to help take care of Tony. He just hoped that he had enough patience for it. Slowly, Bruce fell asleep.

**A/N: ** Sorry for the shorter chapter guys, but I felt that this was the best place to leave it. I guess you know what's coming up!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary:** Tony stopped drinking after he got back from Afghanistan. Tony started drinking after he got back from New York. PRE IM3, SPOILERS.

**Disclaimer:** The usual. I don't own – I'd be filthy rich otherwise, which regrettably I'm not. Please R&R and give constructive crit.

**Rating:** T for my use of expletives and mature subject matter.

**A/N: Sorry for the wait.** This chapter begins around a week from the last chapter.

The last few days of Tony's withdrawal were not nearly as bad as the first. Slowly, over the course of a week and half, the symptoms began to go away, leaving him with small irritations, rather than an overwhelming urge to sleep in the bathroom so he would be next to the toilet. The shaking in his limbs lessened and he found it both easier to g to sleep at night, but also stay asleep through the hours as his nightmares and flashbacks had lessened. Pepper had stayed with him the whole time, as had Bruce, and Clint even showed up one day to take a look around The Tower, even going up into the air vents to investigate.

"You know," Tony said, looking at Clint from his seat at the kitchen counter. "If you want to move in, all you have to do is ask."

Clint turned around and looked at him with a blank look in his eyes, "We'll move in when we're ready, Stark," he said.

"Wow, just asking man. Don't get your bowstrings in a twist."

"…"

"Like I said though – tell the others, there's plenty of space for everyone here," said Tony, turning back to his food and shoving it into his mouth, still relishing being able to keep something in his stomach down for more than a few hours. "Besides, we could all use the company."

Clint nodded and flicked his head back to the air vents to complete his investigation. Once he was satisfied, he turned back to Tony.

"How are you feeling, anyway?" he asked as he walked over to the kitchen bench.

"'M fine," said Tony, with his mouth full. "Never better."

"I'm sure."

"Seriously, Barton. When I say I'm better, I mean it."

Clint just looked at him with his eyebrows raised. "You're still not sleeping, are you?"

Tony looked up at him, "I'm sleeping. Better than before, anyway. And it'll get better in a few days, seriously."

"If you're sure," said Clint, turning to leave. "I'm going to have a talk to the others, and we'll decide whether or not we're going to move in. I'll let you guys know in a few days."

"See you."

IRONMANIRONMAN

Tony started spending more time in his workshop, now that he was able to keep himself upright without the help of Bruce or Pepper. Usually, Bruce stayed in the workshop with him and they talked sciency things, but sometimes Tony was left alone. It was when he was alone that cracks started to appear, even when he held up the façade of doing okay. Sometimes, he just sat at his desk looking at his designs, not knowing where to start or what to do and the idea that maybe alcohol was a creative asset to him crept in. On this particular occasion, he was seated in front of one of his suit designs and he didn't know where to start.

"JARVIS, pull up the new designs would you?" he said, just needing something to do. Full of pent up anxiety and energy, he found that his mind would wander into dark places if he sat with himself for too long. "Can you find out where Bruce is as well? I need his help to look through some stuff…"

_Need his help to take your mind off things, you mean._

"Certainly, sir."

Not five minutes later, Bruce walked down the stairs, his hair unkempt and his shirt untucked.

"Tony, it's three in the morning – you do know that right?" Bruce said, rubbing his eyes.

"Umm, yeah, sorry. I kinda just forgot the time."

"What did you need my help with? JARVIS said you needed me to look over some stuff…?"

"Uh, yeah."

"…"

"…"

"Tony."

"…I'm bored, okay?" Tony spat out. "I'm bored and I don't like it and I'm starting to think about stupid shit."

"Okay," Bruce said, moving over to Tony's desk and sitting on top of it, next to him. "So, what do you want to talk about?"

"Nothing. I don't _want_ to talk about anything. I want to be alone."

"Then why did you get JARVIS to call me down here at three in the morning?"

"…"

"C'mon Tony. There's nothing wrong with _not_ wanting to be alone. I'm proud of you for calling me down instead of doing something stupid."

Tony just sat in his chair, looking at his hands.

"It doesn't make you weak," said Bruce. "You're learning – you're doing the right thing. I know you want to be alone when you're feeling like shit because you think you don't deserve to have people help you, but that's not true."

"It's stupid," Tony muttered.

"How is it stupid?"

"Because I can't even be alone for a few hours otherwise I just end up wanting to drink, or do something else, or push everyone away."

"That's not stupid, Tony, that's just how this works. You got caught in the habit of doing that and it's going to take a while to break it. You can't expect everything to go back to normal not even two weeks after you stopped drinking."

"I know," Tony said. "I just wish it would."

"How did you do it last time?" asked Bruce.

"Last time I was building the second suit, and I guess I was just avoiding everything," Tony replied. "Then everything happened with Obadiah and I just didn't have any time for anything except Iron Man."

"Well, I guess you just need more stuff to do," said Bruce. "I know Clint wants some stuff upgraded, and I'm sure you can think of things for the others."

"That's the thing though. Sometimes I just can't think of anything, like tonight when I was trying to upgrade the suit I just couldn't get past the fog in my head. It feels like I'm reaching for things but I can't grasp them, then other times I'm fine."

"That's normal too, and it's going to stay for a while. When you feel like that though, it's just time to take a break from everything," Bruce said. "Just come and hang out with everyone, watch a movie. Relax."

Tony smiled. "That actually sounds… Okay. I think I'd like that."

"It's been a while since you've just relaxed hasn't it?" asked Bruce.

"Yeah, yeah it has been."

IRONMANIRONMAN

Pepper woke the next morning to the doorbell ringing and when she reached the bottom floor and opened the door Steve Rodgers greeted her with a duffel bag in his hand.

"Tony said you guys had some rooms available," Steve said, peering through the hallway. "I'd like to get out of the accommodation I've got at SHIELD, if that's okay."

Pepper stood there blankly, before she heard a voice call behind her. "Tell Steve he's welcome to come in, so long as he doesn't ever come into my lab. That's my private area, Steve."

"I suppose Tony is awake, then?" Steve said, as Pepper moved aside to let him in. "Thankyou ma'am."

"I'll show you around, then?" said Pepper, leading the way to where the super soldier would be staying. You'll find that Tony has designed a floor for each of you –"

Steve broke in, "a floor? An entire floor?"

"You've seen the tower – there's more than enough space for everyone, and he's not had much to do for the last few months before he stopped drinking. "

"I suppose that's fair enough," said Steve. "But I don't need an entire floor."

"You don't need to use the whole floor, but it's there if you need some time alone."

Once they reached the elevator, Pepper pressed the button for Steve's floor and they went down a few levels. When the doors opened, an old fashioned suite greeted them.

"Tony though that you'd like a little bit of an old fashioned feel," said Pepper, leading the way into the rooms. "I put an art studio next to your bedroom, and there's a gym down the hall with some equipment that you shouldn't break too quickly. The kitchen is opposite your bedroom."

Steve stood still, trying to take everything in.

"What if I want to spend some time with the team?" he said. "I mean, that's kind of why I moved here…"

"There is a communal floor on the top level, and you can ask JARVIS where everyone is," replied Pepper.

Steve just looked confused.

"JARVIS runs the house – he's one of Tony's inventions."

"…"

"He's an artificial intelligence, and he's built in around the house. All you have to do is ask for him and he should be able to tell you anything in regards to the Tower – who is presently in the Tower, where they are… Anything like that."

"So he's spying on us?" asked Steve, looking around suspiciously.

"JARVIS is not actually a person – more of an incredibly advanced sentient computer. He will not interfere with what you are doing unless he is asked, or unless it is of the utmost importance."

Steve nodded slowly, still looking exceptionally confused.

"I'll show you," said Pepper. "JARVIS, where is Tony at the moment?"

"Mr. Stark is currently in his workshop with Dr. Banner," replied the robotic voice of JARVIS.

Steve swiveled his head, looking around for the voice.

"I told you Steve, he's not a person – he's just in the house."

Looking resigned, Steve just stared at Pepper, "now I realize why Tony set me up in an old fashioned looking place. If this was modern as well, I wouldn't have been able to handle it."

"I'll leave you to get settled in, then," said Pepper, nodding at Steve. "Remember, ask JARVIS if you need anything."

IRONMANIRONMAN

"No, Bruce, the reason I designed the suit with repulsers is because I didn't want it to be weaponised. I only put the weapons in when I realized that my _old_ weapons were being dealt behind my back!"

"So the repulsers aren't catagorised as weapons?"

"Technically not – they're flight stabilizers, but at high power they can do a lot of damage."

"So they are weapons then?"

"NO!"

"Tony, if it does damage it's a weapon."

"Are you an engineer, Bruce? No, so it's not a weapon. I'm the engineer and I'm right."

JARVIS cut into the conversation, "Sir, Captain Rodgers is asking if he can come into the workshop."

Bruce looked at Tony, "I thought the first thing you said to him was that he wasn't allowed here…"

"Yeah, I thought so to. I guess he just likes breaking the rules though," said Tony.

"No Tony, that's you. He probably thought you were being sarcastic – I don't think he can tell when you're serious or not," Bruce said with a smirk.

"JARVIS, tell the good captain that he can come down – so long as he doesn't touch anything."

"Yes sir."

Steve came down the stairs, looking around in amazement when he saw the workshop. Pausing at the glass door, he stared at the keypad for a few seconds before JARVIS opened it for him.

"This is amazing," Steve said, trying to take everything in at once. "How do you do all of this?"

"Lot's of spare time," said Tony as he spun around on his chair. "Plus Bruce helps out now, these days. A lot more actually gets done now."

"I don't do that much, Tony."

"Actually, you're right. I still do all the work in this lab," Tony laughed. "Anyway Rodgers, what did you want? I don't have all day."

"Uh, I was just wondering if you both wanted to come up for dinner tonight, so we could all eat together as a team?"

"Are the others going to be here?" asked Bruce.

"I don't think so. Barton is on a mission somewhere with Romanoff. They left last night – I think they'll be back in around two weeks," Steve replied.

"Sounds like a party!" announced Tony. "We'll be there."

**A/N yeah, long time no writing. Sorry again. R&R please, I love to know what my readers want!**


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